Creative Identity & Being Online as an Artist—Tricky Business!
For as long as I can remember I’ve been making things. Starting at an after school art program where I was allowed to glue literal pieces of garbage together (See photo below for reference. Yes, that’s a cabbage patch doll head attached to copper piping! Truly one of my greatest pieces, which my parents have so kindly kept), to high school drawing and painting classes, starting a clothing brand with one of my best friends, all the way through a bachelor’s degree in graphic design.
I graduated from college in the spring of 2020 (lol) and jumped straight into a full-time design position, which has been a dream come true! I continued to make personal work on the side, which is where I began to go through a bit of an identity crisis. I had a lot of things I wanted to pursue with my newfound free time, and hardly knew where to start. What direction made the most sense? I also began to feel the need to start sharing more of my work online—after all, I was a serious professional adult with a degree now, right? It was about time for me to start taking my artwork more seriously too.
This pull to legitimize my work was absolutely rooted in comparing myself to others that I perceived as real artists. I also believed that if I started to put my work online it would lead to more time and opportunities to make the work, which has in some ways actually had the opposite effect. I definitely don’t think there’s anything wrong with sharing your work—it’s one of the great joys of making! And getting feedback is an incredibly important part of developing as an artist. But as soon as your work exists online I think there are some undesirable side-effects that suddenly show up.
After sharing a few rug making process videos I got a bit of attention, which felt great! But it brought with it a—mostly internal—pressure to produce and share more. It’s really easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to other artists and creators who are able to share work on a regular basis. For me personally, that just isn’t realistic right now. Balancing my creative projects with my job (not to mention all the other things that make up a well-rounded and healthy life) is a challenge in itself. Adding the pressure to be a consistent content creator is silly silly silly! I’ve worked on setting more reasonable goals with myself about this, admitting that I’d rather take my time and share things that I think are good, rather than forcing myself to try and keep up with any kind of specific schedule.
This pressure also exists around the pace at which I’m making the work itself. I have tons and tons of ideas I’d like to pursue, but I just can’t realistically do everything. And how do I know if I’m choosing the right things to work on with my limited time? I think about this quote all the time:
“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”
-Jonathan Safran Foer
It helps me remember that I’m not alone in feeling constrained by time, and frustrated by my inability to do everything that I want to. I also recently read Oliver Burkeman’s Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, which gave me some really helpful perspective on this topic.
I’m coming to terms with the fact that I need to prioritize the things I’m most excited about, let them take however long they take, and be proud of what I am able to accomplish. And I think these constraints actually play a huge role in guiding my practice! With so many options out there, what we do choose to do says a lot about who we are and what we care about. Of course, all of this is easier said than done, and something I’m still working on accepting every day.
I’ve also definitely felt a pressure to monetize my artwork that I’m sure many other artists can relate to. I’ve heard countless times from friends, family, and commenters, that I should sell my work! As with everything else though, money usually complicates things. It can lead you to prioritize differently than you would without it being part of the equation. I’ve held off on selling my work for a while, but have come to the conclusion that it feels really special for other people to be able to have things I’ve made in their lives—also I’m completely running out of space to store these rugs in my apartment please help! Choosing to sell my work is not a choice I’ve made lightly, and I hope to keep it from impacting the things I choose to do with my time.
Another struggle I’ve run into since sharing more work on the internet is the pull to clarify my “creative identity”—my brand, my online persona, whatever you want to call it. It seems like every successful online artist has a very clearly defined style. My issue with the industry-wide advice to niche down and focus on having a super consistent public image is that I just feel like I’m not quite ready yet.
Creative exploration has always been really important to me. Whether in terms of medium, subject matter, or technique, trying new things is a huge part of my practice. And I think exploration often leads to the most interesting ideas—a lot of my favorite work exists at the intersection of seemingly unrelated things. Keeping yourself open to new influences, in my experience, is one of the best ways to grow as an artist.
Of course, no matter what you do, your work will be personal and unique to you. Style is a natural thing that develops unconsciously! From the outside it probably seems like I do have a more consistent creative identity than it feels like from the inside. I’m just trying not to make it too much of a conscious effort, or let the constraints of my previous work dictate where my practice goes in the future. I don’t want to feel tied down to anything specific right now!
That’s why I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s okay not to know exactly who I am creatively yet. And maybe I never totally will! I just have to take things one day at a time. It’s why I’ve decided to keep my online presence intentionally open-ended. ‘Craig Miller Studio’ is my attempt to say, “Hey, I’m Craig, and I make stuff! Right now that’s primarily rugs, but that might not be the case a year from now. Or maybe next week. I have no idea.” I want this to be a long-term platform where I can share my evolution as an artist—something that can grow along with me.
I’ve thought about this a lot over the past couple of years. At times I’ve really felt like if I could figure out the right way to represent myself online, maybe I’d actually know for sure who I am as a person. Which of course isn’t really true! And I think it’s okay that I don’t fully know the answer to either of those questions right now. It’s what makes people interesting—we’re dimensional, and constantly changing, which is really difficult to capture in the flat representation of the internet.
I write all this to say that I’m still figuring it out, and doing my best to trust the process. I hope you’re down to join me on the journey! I for one am certainly excited to see how my work develops over time. I hope to keep sharing my little thoughts here along the way, so keep an eye out for future posts.
Goodbye for now :-)
